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  1. .... This room was once a light, sky blue ." "Sky blue " implies a painted wall. A wallpaper would have some sort of design or texture. Try: The ruins of...

    5 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 04/07/2010

  2. How does he get ready in case the time machine breaks by just having a shower and eating breakfast? Shouldn't he be doing something to the time machine, or getting tools, or something like that? How did he use up all the hot water on...

    3 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 28/02/2010

  3. ...whatever, just choose one) wafting from their kitchen window ." 8. "As you walk inside, the fear of a... covered with beautiful ivory, floral themed wallpaper , lined with beautiful paintings and ...

    4 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 30/10/2010

  4. I like it! I'm very curious as to where this creepy house is heading, it sounds a little sinister. I'm not sure whether you want technical suggestions or not, so if you don't just ignore this part: You have a bit of a credibility problem, especially where the mother...

    3 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 01/03/2012

  5. I liked it, but I don't think it's the most original story ever. Obviously, I'm not trying to be a total jerk, I'm just telling you the truth. I think that there's about five thousand other stories with the same exact plot at this one -- the...

    5 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 06/07/2011

  6. Wow! I think this is a great opening! It makes me want to finish the chapter and find out what's in the diary and what the mom was going to tell Helena. I especially like the part about the rusty-tasting water. Inserting...

    5 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 06/07/2011

  7. ...something like this... My hand rubs at the foggy window trying to see through it. It was cold out... at me in the rear view mirror her dull, blue eyes filled with sorrow. “Stop ...

    10 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 06/07/2009

  8. Is this the beginning? I'm not sure where to imagine the first part of it, so don't forget to set the stage. Plus I'm not sure what 'went off' means because when I think of going off, I think of someone getting angry and...

    2 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 04/02/2011

  9. I think you try to use big words when it doesn't really make sense. "Eluded" is used in the wrong context. And how are machines "bestial?" The description doesn't work in my head. Also, you overuse "...

    5 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 02/07/2010

  10. ...large and extremely beautiful stained glass window in the back of the room. The blue and yellow hued glass shone bright...sun and illuminated the subtle flowery wallpaper and inconspicuous brown Oriental rug spread...

    3 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 17/07/2012

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