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  1. ... the flow.....It would sound better: you make my mind swirl and twirl , so baby would you..... be my girl?.. but thats just my opinion...

    4 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 02/03/2010

  2. ... rhymes sound forced and very childish. The whole swirl swoosh and twirl bit also sounds childish. If you would make it sound more "...

    4 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 22/12/2007

  3. I like it; it's sweet and has the voice of a young girl. Happy Hiram does make...? Something to bring it all back around in stead of the sudden and expected conclusion. And pretends, one day, When she...

    9 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 16/02/2009

  4. ..., to be completely honest, I think it is okay, and just okay. Here's why: there's really nothing remarkable... just take a random word, set a timer for a minute or two, and just write everything that comes to mind, no matter how...

    2 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 27/11/2011

  5. I think your poem is a serious effort and shows a mastery of the language rather surprising in a girl of 14. And ...

    2 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 13/04/2013

  6. I like it--I can relate to it! :) You did a really good job writing it; keep up the good work! :D

    4 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 24/12/2009

  7. ...it? Add an adjective before trees and leaves. Like: Running... the endless trees. Twirling , swirling , gently Against the dainty leaves...

    5 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 24/06/2008

  8. ...too much detail. I would remove "green" from S1 L2 because twirling leaves only come in green or brown. You spin them up and let me decide what color they should be. You could give me a hint...

    4 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 14/04/2010

  9. ... daresay even inspired me.So I sat down and attempted to complete what you left unfinished. Here goes for nothing...

    6 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 18/08/2009

  10. ...what's important is that you write to express what you're thinking and feeling. Sometimes a better question might be, "How...

    4 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 20/01/2013

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