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  1. ...to someone who wouldn't stop to take a breath. Another would be to try and give some more detailed descriptions of your characters...

    2 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 01/03/2013

  2. ...series of emotions(which is something I do to relinquish vexation) and it's convoluted. But there is nothing wrong with ...

    3 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 03/05/2009

  3. Don't you mean rate my book? Hahaha just kidding it is actually really good 10/10.

    3 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 01/09/2012

  4. ...really good. I like how you make the reader feel like they are in the story, and you go deep into it, instead of staying on the surface of the story like some...

    4 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 18/07/2011

  5. ...great story going here! The characters and intriguing, and you pull the reader in by ...grade school to only use pronouns once or twice in a row, and break them up with direct nouns. It'...

    6 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 30/05/2010

  6. Your descriptions - particularly where the sun and outdoors are concerned - are really well......" Try reading that out loud and you'll see it doesn't sound quite right. "The...

    1 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 26/09/2011

  7. I liked it, especially the first sentence. but take away the comma, and put in a period. I like the idea :) You should read the Succubus series by Richelle Mead. I think you'll enjoy that!

    3 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 31/07/2009

  8. That can't be the flat out start to the first chapter! Make that the intro, then run head on into chapter 1 with a new story, with possibly different characters, something to change it up! It's obvious that this is a semi-mystery, so change the characters so that they're all...

    10 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 04/06/2010

  9. Is this a story or a report of a fashion show? All you re doing is describing what each looked like. Most readers won t care. At least, I don t. There is no character development, no plot, no conflict, no mystery...

    5 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 16/09/2008

  10. It's overly descriptive and the melodrama is nauseating. Sorry if my comments...

    2 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 07/09/2012

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