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  1. ...avoid eternal damnation, after learning of her escape, engages a city-wide manhunt for her involving burns down numerous houses...

    3 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 30/04/2013

  2. I enjoyed it. It is a bit difficult to follow as there is no background info on either Jack or Ashton. That said, I recognize it is a fragment and is unedited. It would be good to have some movement description of the...

    3 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 11/04/2013

  3. thats why he asked if its good enough so that he doesnt have to edit it some grammars need checking and try to shorten the conversation on that thick paragraph. The arguement and scene is good tho.

    2 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 10/04/2013

  4. You're killin' me here. Please learn when to capitalize and how to punctuate dialogue. It's the matter of ten minutes or less. Flaws and weaknesses I see in the dialogue itself: You have two...

    2 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 07/04/2013

  5. after "Wedding" i dont think you should have him say "exactly". instead of making him say it. make him show it later in the work that your writing. that way it will be more suspenseful. just have him *look down briefly*, or *look at the ships...

    2 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 07/04/2013

  6. Looks good from here. Ash is pretty tight but I suppose that's just who he is. If I were you I'd add a little bit of (their) indirect expressions or actions to tone their emotions a little more and add...

    3 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 06/04/2013

  7. I like all the description of it. That was really awesome!

    1 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 06/04/2013

  8. It's a nice scene. There are some punctuation issues, though. When you follow a quotation with "he said" or something equivalent, you end the quotation in one of three ways: a question mark, a comma, or an exclamation point. What follows ("he...

    3 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 06/04/2013

  9. ...cannon shot from the ships, the report of guns firing from the city battlements, the distant sound of commotion and action from the citizens...

    1 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 06/04/2013

  10. ... a protection business, but who also was the only bar to anarchy in the city. You could also manipulate him in minor ways using...

    6 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 04/04/2013

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