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... would be really simple to clean up with some simple brainstorming of synonyms . Words like 'as' 'that' 'the' 'cause' can be...

I would look up deja vu and maybe find another synonym for that. As to your poem- great images, cluttered though...

...a lot as you use it here. But if you are in doubt my book of synonyms list: unguent, inunction, unguentum, balm, balsam, salve, cerate, liniment, embrocation, emollient...

... a good one though to bring back later with revisions and synonyms for redundant words, though really, you did a fine job with the imagery...

...literature often in terms of music. Even if its as simple as a synonym for "Happy life", like happiness, contentment... it's still better...

...carefully. The differences between similar sounding words or synonyms can lead to interesting word play. Go over the poem and look for ...

...carefully. The differences between similar sounding words or synonyms can lead to interesting word play. Use concrete imagery and vivid ...