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  1. ... (The creature's movement reminds [him/me] of a wave )...etc. Good, steady pacing but, again, it stops the story to sight...

    6 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 14/06/2013

  2. I liked it. The only thing I would change would be the usage of the word 'veins' twice near the beginning. Changing one of those words for another will make it pop out more to a reader. Making the fact that a sensation is traveling...

    3 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 02/09/2012

  3. Prologues are rarely a good idea, and never in the hands of amateur writers. Call this chapter one. And never begin with "the night began like any other" That cliche will make your readers gouge their...

    3 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 26/08/2012

  4. Great use of description, also great use of context and dialogue through out the entire prologue in my opinion this was amazing, and I would definitely read more. You have a talent, run with it! Good luck :)

    2 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 20/08/2012

  5. It's ok, pretty good but lacks some flow sometimes (btw are you sure you don't mean crevis?). It really depends on how it continues, all stories have potential but it sounds good :)

    8 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 31/01/2012

  6. In my opinion, the sentence structure is confusing. The main nouns of the sentences in the first two paragraphs come at the end of the sentence, making it hard to follow what's happening. "Until I see...

    3 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 23/01/2012

  7. ..., the father working at the docks, etc., might be better if woven in later throughout the story. Ask yourself if there is...

    4 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 18/03/2011

  8. ...keep 'stared' if you want, but i prefer gazed there.* a sudden WAVE OF MIXED feelings overwhelmed me. *Again...

    2 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 31/10/2010

  9. ...the air, at times seeming to collide together, weaving their strange, mournful tunes that didn't...soon as he reached the lobby area, he took a deep breath and flopped on a chair, hands over...

    5 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 01/07/2010

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