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  1. change Slowly, it made her a victim, gorging on her blood to Slowly gorging on her blood, it made her a victim. or Slowly making her a victim, it gorged on her blood. possibly change...

    3 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 22/02/2014

  2. You'll need a ... I can't mention what sort of guy ... to help you with the list. Someone with a long paid subscription to "Playboy". I know that guys in the locker room compare girls - girls compare guys - but I would not want...

    2 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 13/02/2014

  3. I liked it until it got to Jayden. It was just a little unbelievable; he dumped her and then just wants her back out of the blue, even though he's famous and can have anyone he wants. I think at his age, he'd probably be...

    3 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 12/02/2014

  4. The most important part of any character is their essence, the drive that makes them tick. Physical descriptions are meaningless and can often be largely avoided all together. What a writer spends their time on...

    4 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 12/02/2014

  5. The first sentence was rather a cliche way to start, I would try to shake it up a bit but other than that, it was good.

    3 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 10/02/2014

  6. ...the hell am I? I don't know!), "Apprehension swirled in my belly as I narrowed my eyes" (I...

    2 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 10/02/2014

  7. hours sitting in the clean white hallway. Constant activity swirled around jack but he was too out of it to notice. Finally the news...

    1 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 10/02/2014

  8. An affair from one of her parents can actually break trust very easily.

    2 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 09/02/2014

  9. Dani Young, in my opinion. Something about a name that is gender neutral seems more tom boy-ish and tough when it's put with a girl. I always add this little bit- characters aren't born with their personalities already fully...

    4 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 09/02/2014

  10. I can't detect any contradictions, but then again I know nothing about hairstyling. You could, however, concentrate on your sentences, the Syntax, the structure, as the tale is "jerky", it doesn't flow. Try joining your...

    1 Answers · Arts & Humanities · 15/02/2014

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